I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
