I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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