haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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