please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
