Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
