Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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