no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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