forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
