I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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