his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
