Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My vagina is officially offended.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize