i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize