Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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