Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
