dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
