Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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