The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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