I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
