Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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