Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
