As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
