You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
