I faked an abortion last night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
