We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
