I looked at my own cervix.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Come on in and take your pants off
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