so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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