Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
