I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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