Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
