Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
