What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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