The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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