A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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