i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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