Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
