Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just cropdusted the office
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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