he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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