it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
