haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Panties = found
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
