Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
