I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
