dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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