do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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