I'm lost and stupid without you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
