So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
