Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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