Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
