I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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