why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
