He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
