The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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