Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
