How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
