Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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