: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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