Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
