so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize