just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
