Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
