Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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