Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
