i think my tv is drunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
