I want to stick my p in your. b.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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