yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
