I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
