we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
