I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
