If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there's paper in my vomit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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