I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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