I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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