guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
