I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
