remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
