The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
