i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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