My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
