you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
