The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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